I met my husband, Gregor, later in life, after having navigated the choppy waters of my 20s and 30s relatively unscathed, but also relatively unattached. I was over 40 and wasn’t actively seeking a relationship, but when Gregor and I crossed paths, something just clicked. We hit it off immediately, sharing a similar sense of humor and a mutual appreciation for the finer things in life – good food, interesting travel, and stimulating conversation. Our first year of marriage felt like a prolonged honeymoon. We were inseparable, constantly exploring new restaurants, taking weekend trips, and simply enjoying each other’s company. I genuinely believed I had found my soulmate, the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. We built a comfortable life together, filled with love, laughter, and shared dreams for the future. I couldn’t have imagined that this picture-perfect existence would soon be shattered, revealing a dark undercurrent that I never suspected existed.
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Then the unexpected happened. My company, where I had worked for over a decade, suddenly went bankrupt. It was a huge blow, not just financially, but emotionally. I had poured my heart and soul into my career, and to see it all crumble before my eyes was devastating. The news came as a complete shock, and I struggled to process the implications. Not only was I now unemployed, but I also faced the daunting task of finding a new job in a competitive market. The uncertainty and stress weighed heavily on me, and I felt a growing sense of anxiety about our future. I knew that this would put a strain on our finances, but I was confident that Gregor and I could weather the storm together. After all, we were a team, and we had always supported each other through thick and thin. I thought that our love would be enough.
When I told Gregor about losing my job, his reaction was not what I expected. Instead of offering comfort and support, he seemed visibly annoyed. “What, now I’m the breadwinner?” he said, his tone laced with dissatisfaction. His words stung, and I felt a wave of disappointment wash over me. I had anticipated empathy and understanding, but instead, I was met with resentment and a clear indication that my misfortune was an inconvenience to him. Shocked and hurt, I quickly sprang into action, determined to alleviate the financial burden on our household. I swallowed my pride and took a job as a cleaner to help us stay afloat. The work was physically demanding and far below my previous professional standing, but I was willing to do whatever it took to contribute and maintain our lifestyle.
Fast forward to Gregor’s 45th birthday. He decided to throw a big party at a fancy restaurant, inviting all of his friends, family, and colleagues. I helped him plan the event, wanting to make it a special and memorable occasion for him. I even went out of my way to find the perfect gift, a vintage watch that I knew he had been admiring for months. The party was in full swing, with guests mingling, laughing, and enjoying the delicious food and drinks. I tried my best to put on a happy face and participate in the festivities, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of unease that had been building inside me ever since I lost my job. I felt like an outsider, a fraud, as if I no longer belonged in this world of affluence and privilege.
Then came the speeches. Gregor’s sister, a kind and well-meaning woman, raised her glass and toasted to how lucky he was to have me as his wife. Her words touched me, and I felt a surge of gratitude for her unwavering support. But then Gregor stood up to speak, and my heart sank as I sensed that something was amiss. He started off by acknowledging his sister’s sentiments, saying, “Oh, I know I’m lucky…” but then his tone shifted, and his words took a cruel and unexpected turn. He continued, his voice dripping with sarcasm and condescension, [ “SHE’S BASICALLY MY DEPENDENT NOW.” ] The room went silent, and I felt my face turn crimson with embarrassment and disbelief.
But the humiliation didn’t end there. Gregor, fueled by alcohol and a blatant disregard for my feelings, continued his tirade. He looked directly at me, a smirk playing on his lips, and said, [ “I’D HAVE KICKED HER OUT IF SHE WASN’T SO OBEDIENT!” ] The words hung in the air, heavy with disdain and contempt. I felt as if I had been slapped across the face. My entire being recoiled at the venomous nature of his statement. The guests gasped, their faces a mixture of shock and pity. I wanted to disappear, to crawl under a rock and never be seen again. But the final blow was yet to come. Gregor, seemingly oblivious to the damage he was inflicting, concluded his speech with the most devastating remark of all. [ “It’s just a pity I invested all that money in her,” ] he said, before letting out a heartless laugh.
For the first three minutes after that statement, he kept laughing. Then, something inside me snapped. A lifetime of quiet compliance, of trying to be the perfect wife, shattered into a million pieces. I calmly walked up to him, took the vintage watch I had gifted him, and smashed it over his head. The room erupted in chaos. That was the end of Gregor and me. Now, I am focusing on myself and trying to rebuild my life. I have filed for divorce and am determined to find happiness and fulfillment on my own terms. I have learned a valuable lesson about the importance of self-respect and the need to never tolerate being treated with disrespect, no matter the circumstances. I am not a financial investment. I am a human being.
