I’m [24M], and my sister is [22F]. My dad has been with his girlfriend for over six years now, and honestly, almost no one in the family can stand her anymore. That includes me, my sister, my dad’s brother and sister (my uncle and aunt), both grandparents, all my cousins, pretty much the entire extended family feels the same way. It’s gotten to the point where it feels like he needs to choose between us, his kids and extended family, or her. It’s incredibly frustrating to watch him become increasingly unhappy while she seems to create constant drama and contribute almost nothing to his life. We’re all baffled by how a hardworking, kind, and generous guy like my dad can stay with someone who makes him miserable and has effectively torn our family apart. The situation has created such a rift that it has severely impacted family gatherings and traditions, making it difficult to maintain the close bonds we once had. Seeing my dad’s happiness diminish has become unbearable, and we desperately want to find a way to address the issue without causing further conflict or damaging his relationship with us.
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I moved out to live with my mom after she had been living with us for only about a year. My sister stayed longer, trying to hold things together (and support dad), but eventually she left too. These days we only see her during occasional dinners at dad’s place or when the family goes to the summer house/vacation together. To add to it, her son (from her previous marriage) now spends every other week at my dad’s house. When she first moved in, she left him full-time with her ex-husband, but it shifted to shared custody later. My uncle has told my dad multiple times: “A good mother doesn’t just leave her child behind like that.”
Everything always has to revolve around her. If she doesn’t get exactly what she wants, she gets angry and snaps at my dad or my sister, or starts crying. She claims she’s depressed because her mother is seriously ill and her father cheated on her mom but before that situation blew up, she never mentioned her mother, never visited, never seemed to care. My dad looks more exhausted and unhappy every time we see him. My sister has tried multiple times to stay living at his place longer, mainly because she sees how much he needs company/help so he’s not alone with her 24/7.
Dad works long days (usually 8 AM to 6 PM), then comes home and handles grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, basically everything. She was unemployed for about a year and spent her days on gym/yoga and beauty treatments. She contributes almost nothing to the household. He pays for literally everything: food, cars, vacations, clothes, you name it. And she still complains constantly. We’ve been to fine restaurants where she orders food and doesn’t touch a bite. A few years ago on a big family vacation (grandparents, cousins, everyone), she complained so much about the hotel that our family left the others behind to switch to a new hotel.
She’s invited to every family event, birthdays, Christmas, New Year’s and almost never shows up. The family has given her chance after chance, and she keeps sabotaging it. She’s a lawyer, so she’s extremely skilled at twisting arguments. She always comes out looking like the victim or not at fault. She also barely eats anything and exercises 2–3 times a day (possible eating/exercise issues?).
Just recently my sister went on vacation with dad, his girlfriend, and her son. It got so bad that by the end, my sister was eating alone and hanging out on the beach by herself just for peace. Before this woman, our family was really close, regular dinners, frequent vacations with cousins/aunts/uncles. Now that barely happens. We only see each other on big occasions, and she’s usually absent.
The big question we all have: How can a hardworking, kind, generous guy like my dad stay with someone who creates constant drama, contributes almost nothing, makes him miserable, and has torn our family apart? It’s reached the point where it feels like he has to choose: us (his kids, extended family) or her. What should my sister and I do? How do we talk to him about this? Any advice?
