My sons like my husband’s AP more than me Throwaway account. I (35f) had been with my husband (33m) for 10 years. We have two sons together, 9m and 7m. I was a SAHM for the entirety of the marriage. We had a lot of ups and downs. He hates my family and I hate his. I have self esteem issues. He has people pleaser issues. We had a bit of trouble agreeing on what was whose job, and who actually made the rules of the house. We fought about it sometimes, but we had a good marriage otherwise. He was really structured, and I was more freeform, so we worked together really well. Or so I thought. About three years ago, I caught him texting his coworker (29f). He’d cheated before, so I kind of lost my temper. I said some things I didn’t really mean. I told him he needed to move jobs or I’d divorce him. He admitted he had developed feelings for this coworker and asked me if we could try to do counseling together. This made me even more upset because I didn’t like him insinuating I’d done something wrong.
(As if it was my fault he couldn’t stop cheating) Again, I told him he needed to relocate or I was leaving him. He left. I was stunned. He told me I could keep the house and the car so I could get back on my feet, and then he started packing up. And that was just it. He left. I tried to backtrack, I offered to get therapy if he’d stay, but he said it was too late. He called me an insecure manipulator, which really set me off, because what can I even say to that? He claimed I made him do everything, and he was too tired to keep going.
He still visited to spend time with the kids, and picks them up and drops them off half and half with me. He also handles groceries for the house every week, even now. That much is okay, but my main issues arose when he started living with her. It hurt. I hadn’t let go of him yet, and maybe I still haven’t, but we were together for so long, you can’t blame me. And it gets worse. The kids started visiting his place and spending time there. As a result, she met my children. He didn’t even ask me if I was okay with it, he just did it.
He made some excuses, but if it was really an emergency he could have called me, their MOTHER. Then I had to deal with hearing about her from my children when they came back home. My sons are a handful. They’re bouncing off the walls all the time and getting into trouble and up and down all night long. Instead of just leaving them to sort themselves out, she has been getting up with them. She plays with them and makes them sandwiches and hot cocoa. Now, their sleep schedules are terrible and they keep waking me up, asking me to do the same things I know she does. They won’t do their chores. The house is a wreck, and I have no one to fix anything.
I tried telling my kids the truth about how those two got together, but neither of them seem to believe me. And shortly after, my husband started treating me coldly at our meetings. He never listens to me when I try to talk to him and refuses to talk over text unless it’s about the kids. He always makes me out to be the bad guy when he’s the one who ended things after he cheated on me. I still don’t have a job, so I can’t compete with them and their comfortable double income anymore. I used to be able to be the fun mom, but now I have no money to give them toys or treats anymore. I only have a pitiful allowance and I’m left with nothing. My kids resent that. They started preferring spending time over at his place instead of with me because he can afford to be the fun parent while I can’t.
My younger son got sick at school just before the break and instead of calling me or his dad, he called HER to pick him up. She texted me later that he was sick, but nothing else. She didn’t even call me. The school didn’t even call me. I could have picked him up. I could have been there for him. And when I asked 7m about it, he cried like I was some kind of monster and didn’t want to talk about it. My whole life has fallen apart. Not even my own kids love me anymore.
