My mom wants nothing to do with me because I “picked my dad” during the divorce. I know it sounds bad, I have a lot of regrets but everything was really hard after my 19f parents got divorced when I was 13. I had a happy childhood before then, and was closest with my mom. The divorce was harder on me than my older sister penny 21f, who kind of took it in stride. My mom moved out and into an apartment, and was just generally incredibly depressed. She drank a lot and it was just a mess. We were 50/50, but the schedule they came up with was annoying because I’d have to switch houses like every 2-3 days and I went to a private school so I had uniforms and I was always getting in trouble for leaving them at the other house or not having things. Then mom moved 45 minutes away from my school. They gave my sister a car so that she would drive me to school but I played sports and she didn’t and she didn’t want to hang around for me after school. So I was always waiting around and would sometimes just end up at my dads anyways. So I asked if I could stay with dad on weekdays and mom on weekends. My dad didn’t want to only have me for school days so I was with him one weekend and her the other three. I thought it was awesome but I could tell my mom seemed less, idk? Fond of me.
My sister was supposed to drive me but again with sports some weekends I’d call my mom to pick me up and she wouldn’t be able to and I was spending less time over there. I know she and penny got much closer. Penny only came over to my dad’s every other weekend by then too. We got into a massive fight when I was a sophomore because I had a big (semi finals for state and I was on varsity) game and she didn’t go because she was taking penny prom dress shopping. I was dating a junior and going, too, so I asked if we could all go another day and she told me to ask my dad to take me. She had gotten me into sports and always went to my games, and I played horrible because I was so anxious about whether or not she’d come (she didn’t). I felt like she’d forgotten about me and moved on so I stopped going over to her house.
We’d call and see each other on holidays and stuff but I was hurt and she never apologized. I still obviously love her and we get along good when we see each other. It’s just not often. Lately I’ve been feeling really down. I lost a friend and my dad’s new gf moved in and I’m pretty sure she wants me to move out. Which is whatever I’ll figure it out but it’s more like she’ll get mad if I don’t clean but when I do she gets snippy and is like you’re not your dad’s wife (?). Now mom is doing good.
She got remarried about a year ago and he has two kids who are like 10 and 12 Jake and Emma. They’re all nice, but I obviously don’t know them well. But anyways before Christmas my mom asked me if I would give one of my old American girl dolls to Emma. It’s not like an heirloom or anything but it was my cousins and honestly I don’t know Emma very well. So I said no, it’s not like they don’t have money and they still sell the dolls. I wasn’t mean or anything I just said I didn’t want to. But I kept asking her about Christmas and when to be where and she never really told me.
I normally spend Christmas Eve with her and she never told me what was going on. I texted her that day and asked when I could give her her gift and she said she’d reach back out after the holidays. That hurt in a way I can’t explain because she never like wouldn’t take my calls or see me before. I guessed it was probably about the stupid doll and probably should have given her space but I still texted her happy new year. Penny got super mad and drove out and yelled at me. She said that I had to stop bothering mom when I broke her heart by “picking” dad. I told her that wasn’t true and she told me they got divorced because dad had an affair and that I was an idiot of if I hadn’t figured that out (nobody had ever told me that and dad hadn’t dated anyone that I knew about until recently).
I got upset and told her to leave and didn’t even give her my mom’s present I was so upset. I haven’t told my dad yet but I’ve been really upset about it. I feel like I never meant to hurt her and but feel really bad. I don’t know if I should reach out to her, or if I should just leave well enough alone like Penny told me to. I’m pretty sure she’s moved on from me, she’s posted pictures of her and her husbands kids with Penny and I don’t think she has space in her life for me anymore, and it’s all my fault.
