My Wife Thinks It’s Us vs. the World… I Don’t I think I’m getting close to accepting that I’m going to divorce my wife soon, and it’s honestly one of the saddest realizations I’ve had in a long time. It’s not because of another person or anything dramatic like that. It’s actually something way more boring but way more fundamental: how we see the world. For years I’ve been trying to tell her how important community is to me. How nothing I’ve accomplished has ever been “me against the world.” I didn’t see the red flags early on, but she’s always had this mindset that our whole life is just the two of us grinding together and that all of our success comes from that little bubble. And I get that some couples feel that way. But it’s just not my reality. Everything good in my life has been a team effort with people outside my house. I’m not ashamed of that I’m grateful for it.
Teachers who believed in me. A boss who treated me like a human being. Friends who referred me to jobs so I didn’t have to push applications nonstop. Even our mail lady who yelled at my kid for not wearing a helmet, she literally helped keep him safe. And I’ll never forget the Uber driver who drove all the way back from Rhode Island to return my wallet on the day of an important exam.
I could’ve failed that exam, lost that opportunity. But he showed up for me. A damn stranger. My whole life has been shaped by people who didn’t have to help me but did. And I’ve always believed you have to be a villager if you expect a village.
My wife doesn’t see it that way. She thinks it’s her and I versus the world, full stop. And it leaves her alienated and angry a lot of the time. And it makes me feel like I’m living small on purpose. I’ve tried telling her I’m unhappy.
I’ve tried telling her that I want a life built on connection, not isolation. She thinks all of this means I’m seeing someone else. I’m not. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m betraying my own values every day.
