We always wanted the best for our children. My husband and I, years ago, when our oldest was barely walking, made the decision to try and set up a college fund for each of our kids. It wasn’t easy, we made sacrifices, cut back on vacations and extras, but we were determined to give them a leg up in the world. Fast forward to today, we have five children, with our youngest still on the way. Our eldest, Maddie, is 22. Life threw her a curveball when she got pregnant at 16. She had to drop out of school, and now she has two beautiful children with her fiancé, Jason. They are a young family just trying to make ends meet, and we help them out financially where we can. Recently, my second daughter, Kate, who is 17, got accepted into her dream college. We are so incredibly proud of her! She was talking about the acceptance with Maddie and casually mentioned her college fund. I could see the moment Maddie processed this information, her eyes lit up with surprise and a strange mix of… something I couldn’t quite place. It made me a bit uneasy. That evening changed EVERYTHING. Maddie immediately called Jason, bubbling with excitement. “Wait, we all have one?!” she exclaimed, and I could see the gears turning in her head. I knew I had to intervene before things escalated.
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“The fund is only for education, Maddie,” I said firmly, trying to preempt whatever plan she was concocting. She immediately pushed back, arguing that they needed a house or money for a wedding more than Kate needed college. [“WE NEED THIS MORE THAN SHE DOES,” ] she exclaimed. I was shocked. How could she be so entitled? I reminded her that the money was specifically earmarked for education, and that Kate had worked incredibly hard to get into her dream school. The conversation went nowhere. She simply couldn’t grasp the concept that the money wasn’t hers for the taking, just because she had different life circumstances. My husband and I discussed it at length later that night, feeling incredibly stressed and anxious about the situation. Little did we know, the worst was yet to come.
The next day, Jason’s entire family descended upon our house. I’m not kidding. Parents, siblings, cousins… the whole lot! They came armed with demands and a level of entitlement that I have never witnessed before in my life. They started yelling, accusing us of playing favorites and withholding resources that were “rightfully” theirs. [“THIS IS FOR OUR FAMILY NOW!” ] they screamed, their faces contorted with anger and resentment. They acted as if we had deliberately set out to harm them, rather than simply planning responsibly for our children’s futures.
I was absolutely floored by their behavior. They accused us of owing them something, simply because we had the foresight to start college funds. “YOU OWE THEM!” they shouted, as if we had somehow wronged them by planning ahead. My husband and I tried to reason with them, to explain that the money was intended for education, but they wouldn’t listen. They were convinced that they deserved the money more, that their needs were somehow greater than Kate’s aspirations. The air was thick with tension, resentment, and an overwhelming sense of injustice.
The audacity of their demands was truly unbelievable. [“GIVE IT TO US!” ] they demanded, as if we were obligated to hand over our hard-earned savings to them. They made it clear that they saw Kate’s college fund as a solution to their own financial struggles, a convenient windfall that would alleviate their burdens. The sheer entitlement was unreal – like we owed them just for planning ahead. I was so angry and hurt that they could think so little of us and of Kate’s future.
The situation has left me feeling incredibly disillusioned. I always thought of Jason’s family as reasonable and understanding people, but their actions have revealed a side of them that I never knew existed. It’s hard to reconcile the people I thought they were with the entitled, demanding individuals who showed up at our doorstep. Now I am wondering if protecting my children from such blatant avarice means cutting off contact with toxic family members.
