For my birthday, my two closest friends decided to surprise me with a brunch. It was a complete surprise – I was dropped off at the restaurant, having absolutely no idea what was about to happen, and there they were, waiting for me with huge smiles! We indulged in a delicious brunch special that included unlimited mimosas, and they even got me flowers, a small cake, and a thoughtful gift. Later on, we topped it all off with some ice cream. One of my friends graciously paid the entire bill, and I was so touched by their generosity and effort to make my birthday special. It was a truly memorable day, filled with laughter, good food, and the warmth of genuine friendship. I felt incredibly lucky to have such amazing people in my life who would go to such lengths to celebrate me. The whole experience was perfect. It felt like they truly cared. However, the warm and fuzzy feeling didn’t last for long. About two weeks later, I received a Venmo request from the same friend who had paid the bill. It was for the sum of $53, and the description simply read: “Your share of brunch and ice cream.” I was completely taken aback. She hadn’t mentioned anything about me needing to pay for my portion beforehand, and the request came completely out of the blue. It really bothered me because to me, the whole point of a surprise is that the person being surprised isn’t expected to pay. It felt like a complete contradiction to plan a surprise and then silently charge me afterward.
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It wasn’t about the money itself – I genuinely don’t mind paying my share when I go out with friends. It was the principle of the matter and the lack of communication that really rubbed me the wrong way. It just felt incredibly awkward and strange to be surprised with a brunch and then hit with a bill weeks later without any prior warning. I decided to bring it up with her, explaining that while I was perfectly okay with paying my share, I was thrown off by the fact that she never mentioned it beforehand. I tried to approach the conversation calmly and rationally, hoping to understand her perspective.
Unfortunately, the conversation didn’t go as planned. Instead of understanding, she immediately became defensive. She claimed that she had “forgotten” to pay for me initially and that I shouldn’t have expected her to cover my expenses in the first place. She then accused me of being entitled and ungrateful, especially considering all the effort she had put into the surprise – the gift, the flowers, and even the travel involved in seeing me. She even went as far as to say that paying for a surprise is “subjective,” which I found incredibly odd. This was where I realized this was not a simple mistake on her part.
I want to emphasize that I was genuinely grateful for her efforts and never intended to ask for more than what was offered. My issue was solely with the fact that she planned a surprise and then charged me for it without any prior communication. In my opinion, if you plan a surprise for someone, you either cover the costs yourself or clearly communicate the expectations upfront. Charging someone for a surprise that you planned for them feels like giving a gift and then asking them to pay for it later. It felt like she wanted the credit for doing something nice for me but wasn’t truly willing to take full responsibility for the plan she had set in motion. This struck me as insincere and somewhat off-putting.
We tried to talk it out, but she remained steadfast in her opinion and couldn’t see my point of view at all. She even mentioned that some of the people she had consulted agreed with her, which made me question whether I was completely off base. I’m starting to wonder if there’s a perspective that I’m missing or if she’s simply trying to justify her actions by seeking validation from others. The fact that she doesn’t think she was wrong is truly mind-blowing to me. I feel like there’s an unwritten rule, a worldwide understanding, that when you plan a surprise for someone, regardless of the occasion, you’re generally expected to cover the costs or at least communicate the expectations clearly.
It’s becoming increasingly difficult to believe that she genuinely doesn’t see my side of the argument. I can’t help but feel like she knew it was wrong from the beginning but didn’t want to spend the money. Now that I’ve brought it up, she feels compelled to defend her actions and talk her way out of it. I’m left feeling confused, hurt, and questioning the sincerity of her friendship. Is there a perspective that I’m genuinely missing, or am I valid in feeling upset and taken aback by this entire situation?
