I’m an 18-year-old male, and my girlfriend (19F) and I have been together for about 6 months. Recently, I’ve been feeling increasingly uncomfortable and unsure about my place in the relationship due to her closeness with her male best friend, whom she has known for around 3 years. She often refers to him as her “brother,” but I’ve noticed behaviors that cross what I personally consider normal boundaries — things like forehead kisses, almost-cuddling, and being very physically close. On social media, she tags him in almost everything she tags me in, and it makes me feel like I’m sharing a role that’s supposed to be exclusive. What hurts more is that she seems to tell him everything — personal things, emotions, and even stuff she sometimes hides from me. Any picture she sends me, she also sends him. Because of this, I genuinely feel like the third wheel in my own relationship. I don’t believe she’s cheating, but I do feel disrespected and emotionally sidelined. I understand they have history, but they aren’t actually related, and I feel like some boundaries should exist now that she’s in a relationship. What I’m asking advice on: How can I communicate my discomfort and set healthy boundaries with her without coming across as jealous, insecure, or controlling? What’s a reasonable way to explain how this situation is affecting me emotionally?
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The biggest issue is the **physical affection**. It’s not just friendly; it’s almost romantic. I’ve seen them share forehead kisses, lean on each other, and generally be more physically intimate than I am comfortable with her being with another guy. I know she says he’s like a brother, but if my sister was getting cozy with another man, I’d question it immediately. Is that normal in other relationships? This is my first serious relationship, so I have no idea what is or isn’t normal behavior.
Then there’s the social media aspect. Every post, every story, every tag—he’s always there. It’s like I’m in a competition for her attention, and I’m losing to her “best friend.” I’ve tried hinting that it bothers me, but she just brushes it off, saying I’m overreacting, and that he’s just a friend and always will be. Maybe I am overreacting, but it makes me feel like my importance in her life is diminished. Why share everything with him that she shares with me? It feels like she values his opinion and presence just as much as mine, if not more.
And the biggest pain point: she tells him **everything**. Things she sometimes doesn’t even tell me. Personal struggles, emotions, secrets. Shouldn’t that be my role? I feel like I’m missing out on key parts of her life, and I’m not the primary confidant I thought I was. She sends him every picture that she sends to me. I don’t want to see him in the photos that I send her, she doesn’t need to see every photo that I send her. It’s really frustrating and hurtful.
I’ve tried bringing it up subtly, but I’m afraid of sounding jealous or controlling. I don’t want to be the overbearing boyfriend who dictates who she can be friends with, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m constantly competing for her attention and affection. It’s walking a fine line. The thought of ending things because of it makes me sad. I really like her, but this situation is genuinely making me unhappy, and I don’t see it being sustainable long term if things continue as they are.
So, I need advice on how to communicate my feelings without sounding insecure and controlling. How do I explain that his presence and their dynamic make me uncomfortable without making her feel like I’m attacking her friendship? What are some reasonable boundaries I can suggest that don’t seem overly restrictive? Am I being unreasonable in feeling this way? Maybe I need to accept that this guy is a fixture in her life and that I should just deal with it.
Ultimately, I want to find a solution that respects her friendships while also making me feel valued and secure in the relationship. Is that even possible, or am I fighting a losing battle? I’m not sure how much longer I can handle feeling like a third wheel in my own relationship. I don’t want to lose her, but I also don’t want to compromise my own emotional well-being.
