My husband (38M) and I (32F) have been together for nine years, married for five. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, like any marriage, but recently, I’ve discovered a troubling issue that I’m struggling to navigate. It all started innocently enough when my mother-in-law was visiting, and I decided to reach out to my best friend (36F) to make plans. I’m a big fan of games and trivia, so I suggested a game night at my house, thinking it would be a fun way for everyone to get together and bond. To my surprise, she agreed to hang out, but with a caveat: it would just be her, no husband, and no other friends invited. This struck me as odd because we usually socialize with a larger group. Naturally, I inquired about the reason for her solo visit. She hesitated initially, but eventually, she confessed that her husband and friends no longer feel comfortable around my husband. Apparently, at her recent Friendsgiving celebration, my husband had [“made some rather unflattering remarks”] about her friends to her husband. And, after we left the party, several people commented on how uncomfortable my husband’s presence made them and, more alarmingly, that they felt sorry for me. This was a difficult pill to swallow. I had no idea that my husband’s behavior was being perceived so negatively by others.
…………………………………………..
👇 [ CONTINUE READING ] 👇
…………………………………………..
She then mentioned a specific incident that really stuck with me. At the Friendsgiving party, I had asked my husband to join me in playing a game. He flatly refused, which, in hindsight, wasn’t entirely surprising since he rarely engages in games with me and often dismisses them as immature. However, my friend pointed out that the way it came across to the others was quite awkward. It seemed as though he couldn’t be bothered to do one small thing to bring me joy, and people were watching and feeling uncomfortable on my behalf. Hearing this was particularly jarring because my husband is usually quite social and has a wide circle of his own friends. However, when we’re around people he doesn’t know well, he tends to keep to himself, so I hadn’t fully grasped how his actions were being interpreted.
My friend also emphasized that this wasn’t an isolated event. She confessed that she’s noticed a pattern of him talking over me or shutting me down over the years but had always hesitated to interfere, not wanting to overstep or cause unnecessary drama. This revelation opened my eyes to a dynamic I hadn’t fully acknowledged. I’ve always been aware that **we have our disagreements**, but I hadn’t realized how those disagreements were playing out in social situations.
At home, when I disagree with my husband, things can quickly escalate, and it often feels like it’s his way or the highway. This power dynamic has been a recurring issue in our relationship, and we’ve been in couples counseling on and off to address it. Currently, we’re back in therapy, and I’m also attending individual therapy to gain a better understanding of my own patterns and reactions. It’s a difficult process, but I’m committed to working on myself and improving our relationship.
I love my husband deeply, and it pains me to learn that people in my life are reluctant to be around him. It’s a confusing and hurtful situation. I’m torn between wanting to address the issue and fearing his reaction. I don’t know how to bring this up without him becoming defensive or, worse, asking me to cut ties with my friend. The thought of being further isolated from my support system is deeply unsettling.
Now, I’m left grappling with the question of how to proceed. Do I confront my husband directly, risking a potentially explosive confrontation? Do I try to subtly address his behavior in social situations? Or do I simply accept the situation and try to navigate it as best I can? I’m at a loss and desperately seeking guidance on how to handle this delicate and emotionally charged situation. The thought of losing my friends is unbearable, but so is the prospect of alienating my husband. It feels like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, with no clear path forward. I need help.
