Husband wants me take up more mental load of sex and has issued me an ultimatum Husband wants me take up more mental load of sex and has issued me an ultimatum My husband communicated with me that he wants me to take up more mental load of sex. He wants me to initiate sex half the time and plan for dates and stuff half of time. He basically wants me to entice him or seduce him with lingerie, give him surprise blowjobs and take initiative in trying new things in bed. Basically he doesn’t want to tell me what he want exactly he wants me to take initiative myself. I have a problem, after kids that I dont have spontaneous desire to have sex, it takes me lots of time to rev up my engine. I have read and educated myself I have got responsive desire. I do get in the mood for sex but I need lots of kissing and lots of foreplay to get aroused. He is saying that I have half the responsibility to keep the fire and sex alive in our marriage.
He is tired of talking all the mental load of it. He wants to feel pursued and desired. How do I do that? I dont have spontaneous sexual desire, I need to figure a way out how to get it.
It takes some time and effort from him for me to meet him for his sex needs, otherwise I am perfectly content not really ending the night with sex. Whatever I’ve tried, I have not been successful. I tried to be spontaneous but it comes as forced and he can see it and lose interest. I tried watching porn and reading erotica bit nothing is improving.
I just don’t have spontaneous desire that he wants. Lately my husband told me he will only wait for 6 months for things to improve. After 6 months he will leave. He said that it’s not fair to him that he has to put all the effort into sex,.he wants to be pursued.
I am out of ideas. I want to do it for him, nothing is working.
